Wal-Mart Security Guard

Loud and self-important, Wal-Mart Security Guard is a braggart who treats his position at Wal-Mart as having life-or-death importance. Several of his mannerisms indicate that he suffers from some manner of intellectual disability. Wal-Mart Security Guard was created by accident when after Dave read a crazy news report about Wal-Mart during the news segment. Chuck started to act out how he would imagine a Wal-Mart Security Guard would act if they were involved in the news report.

While Dave and Chuck "The Freak" was off the air for six months prior to bringing the show to WRIF Wal-Mart Security Guard lost his job at Wal-Mart due to an incident when a man tried to steal from the supercenter. In an attempt to stop the man Wal-Mart Security Guard tased the man several times in the genitalia. When Dave and Chuck "The Freak" came to WRIF they helped give former Wal-Mart Security Guard a new job as head of security at WRIF. Despite no longer employed at Wal-Mart former Wal-Mart Security Guard still consults on any unusual news involving Wal-Mart with Dave and Chuck "The Freak" on the show.